Thursday, August 04, 2005

"Look ma, a 25-year old kid!"

Every Gang should have a funny guy. This is one of the first laws of “gang formation”.
Every Gang should have a “kid” who gets ragged incessantly about his age. This is another law.

What we didn’t bargain for was the fact that both the “kid” & the “clown” were the same person.

Not that we guys complained. It gives a good opportunity for the guy with a seemingly infinite laughing stock, to be the “laughing stock” as well. And he is the one in the limelight today.

Before you think that I am just being overly gracious to someone on his special day, sample these:
It was the last ball of a cricket match. The batting team needed 4 runs to win. The bowler and the captain are having a long discussion. Then the bowler heads to his run-up. He charges down the ground, and when he nears the pitch, throws an egg and a mango. The game is won by the fielding team!!!! Any idea why?
The bowler did ANDA AAM bowling!

Music quiz question: In a carnatic concert, what is the first performance that is done on the stage called?
His answer: Mike testing

I could go on and list a few million more jokes of his. But that would be plagiarized by joke-book writers.

Of course, there are a few times when his humour can be a tad infantile (e.g. The post-dinner sound effects in the car), but that is just he being his age. He is the youngest of our Gang, and that entails him to have a few benefits, one of them being the person to gift the bouquets. In fact, ever since he bought a bouquet for his beloved HOD in college, that tag has stuck around with him. Even recently, he was the flag bearer of the contingent that was to greet a baby on its first birthday. The Gang always believes in “horses for courses” or “babies for crèches”.

Now we come to another facet of his life, the one that gives me the shivers when I begin to write it. I just wish I write this fast enough before the sledgehammer gets me on its downswing (the identity of the person holding the hammer will not be revealed). Kiddo is pretty well known for his “backstabbing” (more like “pecking”, but I have been forbidden to use this word, and even more so when it is appended to the name of a bird). It all began with him dumping poor Bandhar’s old scooter to get a lift in a brand new bike. Then he did the same to Avi’s Splendor to jump onto Clangorous’ Calibre.

But all those were pinpricks compared to his “unkindest cut of all”. The victim was yours truly. (I need to take a break as the enormity of his lies attempt to sink in yet again…sigh!)

It has to do with a notable achievement/failure (depending on which side of the God-mortals fence you are on) of his has happened in the past few months. It must be truly disappointing/heartening to see a God fall into the dredges of mortals. Fine, I shall stop here regarding this matter before I am bludgeoned to near-death by his “Mary”. :)))

Perhaps I shouldn’t be making fun of his appetite here, but what the heck! I have come so far, I might as well earn the full wrath. Make no mistake, Kiddo must have eaten more spoonfuls of food than any other man on earth. It is only that his spoonful can be measured only with the help of a pipette. I am being totally honest when I say that my one month old nephew eats more Cerelac per spoon than Kiddo does now. ;-)

On to other less controversial things, he is a self-proclaimed fan of Hitler (!), soccer-crazy (esp. Arsenal, England, Real Madrid, Liverpool,…), erstwhile fan of both cricket and Anil Kumble, F1-hater turned lover for reasons that sound as lame as…well…his lies. :)

Well, all this and more is what Akshai stands for. One of my closest friends for the past 10 years, though it seems like I’ve known him for eternity! And he turns 25 today…I think. I mean, I have doubts on the 25 part, it could be 11, 12, 17 or maybe, just maybe, 25. :)

Here’s wishing Akshai aka Kiddo aka Mafia the very best of birthdays and an eventful year. Have fun dude.

Let me end this wish with another joke of his:
Inder: “Hope Achuth gets some chocolates from Switzerland…and a Swiss babe as well!!”
Akshai: “What sort of a jump is that? From Lindt to Linda!”



At 8:52 PM, Anonymous Mary said...

The hatchet is whetted to make that perfectly horizontal slit on ur throat,tony!!

At 9:13 PM, Blogger Akshai said...

Thanks for the wishes dude.
"F1-hater turned lover"...nonsense. I just gather info abt F1 for conversation material nothing more.

At 10:37 PM, Blogger Sridhar Raman said...

Mary maydum:
I stuck to my end of the deal. :) You can't back off now.

Yeah? Then how come you don't watch cricket any more to get conversation material? :))
Sorry, your excuse holds no water.

And yes, you are welcome!

At 11:27 PM, Blogger Bloggard said...

Happy birthday Kiddo Mafia PJ king

At 5:49 AM, Blogger Tejaswi said...

Happy Birthday Akshai.

Glad to know that you are following Formula 1 these days. No need to be touchy about it, its a great sport. So, lemme guess...are you a fan of Michael Schumacher? He is also great conversation material.

At 7:05 AM, Blogger clangorous said...

Many Many Happy Returns of the Day.

And who is this Mary chilli ? Akshai's new Girl friend ???.

At 2:32 AM, Blogger Srini at the Movies said...

hi chilli

check out my movies

At 10:07 AM, Blogger Sridhar Raman said...

Hey BV, I already check your blog for updates. Are you planning on reviewing movies chronologically? :)


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