Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Adventures of Electric Man - Part II: The Ground Point Problem

It was a typical day in the Electric Man’s life. Forgive me if you’ve heard this before. It had the usual “juicing up the circuits”, “cross-tunneling the ventilating shafts of semi-conductor hyperboles”, and other similar electrical, electronic, nano-technological tomfoolery.

Yes, the author knows that he has indeed missed out on a lot of other subjects that were key participants to the tomfoolery. But that is purely from an absolute lack of knowledge of their spellings, and, in the cases of known spellings, prevented by IPR issues.

Did I say typical? Well, it was almost typical. Our hero had just stepped onto the igneous, metamorphic, soil of Sweden. The first words out of his mouth on breathing the air was, “Ahh…is there anything that Mother Nature can give us more refreshing than this eclectic mix of Oxygen, Nitrogen, Carbon Di-oxide, 1,2,3 – dithanolformalethanaldehyde-ol.?” Having said that, he grabbed his luggage which consisted of a pair of jeans, a tight T-shirt, a few hygrometers (nope they aren’t used to measure the length of aquatic plants), a few more barometers…well basically a mini-lab and of course his trusted weapon – the Multimeter.

The Electric Man’s eyes swept pass the horizon trying to look for something. Normally the sight of this gave him the confidence to conquer any case that is put at his feet. So, he looked beyond all the incredibly hot bikini-clad babes, supermodels, hookers (err…this was off-limits to him since he still hadn’t celebrated his 18th birthday in his customary style of cutting off the oxygen supply to a lighting implement made of wax – in our world, “blowing the candle”). There it was – the electric transformer for the town of Link-o-pimpie.

Our hero made his way to that paradise, but only after rebuking his assistant. “You told me the town’s name was Link=o=pimpie!! I had come prepared with a strategy for the double-bonds between the names. And here I see that it is just Link-o-pimpie. Minri! If I hadn’t noticed the demotion of the bonds, I could have blown up this town.”

The people at the power station had been cracking their heads over a mind boggling problem. The author does realize that “head cracking” is always attempted on “mind boggling” problems, but he is just unable to break out of the cliché.

The problem was that all the residents but one used electric razors. This one exception, in a devious plan to have a sighting of his idol – The Electric Man, refused to use any blade for shaving apart from Wilkinson Sword. Just like in any other town with an inane name such as o-pimpie, the others also decided to use this primitive shaving system. In fact they are so primitive that they had been antiquated during the times of Veda Vyasa. Vyasa himself had switched to the Gilette blades, and his experiences on these blades were published under the now famous title “The Mach-a-bharatha”.

The lack of usage of electric razors meant a sudden dip in power usage, and that caused the transformer to sulk. Its point was simple. Since no one respected it anymore, it would no longer have any moral ground to stand on when it had its usual overhead transmission conversations.

All things came to a standstill as Electric Man approached the transformer. Conversation dulled to a steady barely audible buzz. (Note: The author thinks that this buzz could be just the generator, but the author isn’t Electric Man. So he shall shut up and just report)

“I see that you refuse to transmit”
“Bzzzz bzzz bzzzzzzzzzz” [Later, in a special interview with the author, Electric Man explained that this is the Electric Morse Code he had developed, and gave this privileged author the decoded conversation transcript]
(No bad words please)
“Bzzzzzzz” [Again, even after decoding, the transformer’s noise seemed to be the same. So it is being reproduced here in its entireity]
“You can insult me. Heck, you can even make fun of my tight t-shirt. But dare not insult my multi-meter”
“Blagggggaaard. Shut up. The point you make is ridiculous. It can fool Nobel prize winners, but not me.”
“Holy Ampere! You challenge me? Fine, here it is. Don’t you see that you are not suspended in air, but installed on the ground? Yes, you do. So what happens to your point on not having any ground to stand on. Hahahahaha” [Author likes to mention that the laughter was filled with a bit of static]
(silence from the transformer)

And the rest is history. As you all know, all Indians who travel to Sweden make it a point to remove the ground point to preempt any sulking from the electrical appliances.

All thanks to our hero. And this was just a small breeze in his nonchalant wafting through the history of time, continents as the legend – The Electric Man.

This the second edition of this legend's tales. The first is here. More tales will hit your screens soon. :)


At 9:19 PM, Blogger Akshai said...

Future Release - 'Adventures of The Electric Man - How I silenced the Computer science Engineers'

At 9:54 PM, Blogger Bloggard said...

heh heh eh eh. This is your best post so far.

At 12:43 AM, Blogger Punk Floyd said...

I shall henceforth maintain my silence.


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