Saturday, June 04, 2005


There are times I wish I could play out my entire life like the movie 12B/Sliding Doors, and then come up with my life’s decisions. That’s not possible, so I am stuck with the unenviable task of making a few calls. I am at crossroads, and at various levels. And I am pretty sure that somewhere down the line these different roads and different levels would intertwine and make me rue the call at square one.

But let me try to assume that the levels are separate entities and I am able to manage total insulation between them. If this sounds like a utopian premise for a complicated problem, pardon me…but that’s all the brains I have. And I do not wish to tax them too much; they wouldn’t be able to take the stress.

If you think all this writing is a bit cryptic, I have news for you. What is going to follow next would make the previous two paragraphs seem like kindergarten stuff. Now that I have declared so, I need to match my words with real cryptic stuff. But that shouldn’t be a problem, I rarely work without pressure.

Now onto the first crossroad in one of the levels. I am in a position where I am confident of just “flipping a switch” and get things rolling. But the problem is the “when” and “why” the flipping needs to be done. Currently, I do not see any kind of motivation pulling me to flip – the switch, I mean, not my head. So I can take the easy road and wait for the motivation to germinate or maybe traverse the hazy path to push motivation to motivate me. Sounds confusing right? Well, that’s the state my brain is right now…and putting it in words has done nothing to clear it. Or maybe it has, and just taking its own sweet time to home in. That’s fine, time is something I have in abundance. Or do I?

The next crossroad is one I am most uncomfortable in confronting. But over the last few weeks, things have materialized (in my head), and I have resolved to stick to the resolution.
(When I begin to verb-ify my noun repeatedly, it is a clear sign that I have lost it – temporarily)
The world would reject my “resolution” because it sounds a tad stupid and impractical. And I am keen on sticking to it because it sounds very stupid and impractical.

To wrap up these “key” decisions, I am planning on putting a bit of effort in a different direction hoping/dreaming that things would eventually sort themselves out (i.e with minimal help from my side). How minimal is actually minimal is better left unanswered.

For that matter, there a lot of things better left unanswered.

I hope I have succeeded in being lucid in my thoughts and translating to unambiguous words.


At 7:28 PM, Blogger Bloggard said...

The path to becoming Bheeshma is filled with many obstacles and periods of introspection apparently. Whatever path you choose wil be the right one. In the meantime, I shall begin work laying the foundation for the complex.

At 10:00 PM, Blogger The Village Idiot / Soldier said...

What I have realized is that with the passage of time - the crossroads and decisions clarify themselves on their own.

I like to believe in a thing called fate, and fate and her cousin destiny ensure that things that are meant to happen will happen - no matter what decision you make now. The important thing is that the process of making the decision will be an incredible learning experience.

As I am greatly inspired by Mr Menon's Mahabharatha (which I am reading right now) - I would like to quote an example from it.

Drona did not refuse to teach Archery to Drupada's son (who was born to kill Drona). Because Drona believed that fate cannot be changed.

Not sure if the example was relevant - but I hope you get the drift. Chilli, Have a great weekend.

At 8:57 PM, Blogger Rajneesh said...



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